party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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