i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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