I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
