how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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