He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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