need another drink. this is the easiest way
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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