party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
