Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
