Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
