I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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