i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
