just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize
