I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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