I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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