Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
