So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
