belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
