Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
