It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
