He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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