i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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