The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
