So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
