i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
