if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
