you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
