Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
