So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
