like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
