i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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