At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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