I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
