I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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