You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
