It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
