Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
