somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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