You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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