At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
