He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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