I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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