I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize