There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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