It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
