At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it penis luge time yet?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
