trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
