My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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