Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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