The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize