bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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