it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
