I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
