Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
