I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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