I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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