paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
